brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
