I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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