Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
