It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
