It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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