I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
