Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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