The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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