put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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