Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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