I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
