Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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