Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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