i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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