hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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