Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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