Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
