i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
