I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
