All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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