Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We need to get me chipped asap
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize