I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
