i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
