Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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