shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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