high people should be assigned attendants
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
