he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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