I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
