hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
