I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
