Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
