I feel great
I just peed on a car
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
