Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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