doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
