remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
