Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
