You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
