Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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