go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
