She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
