Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
