So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We had to coat check the pizza.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
