My room smells like vodka and shame
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
