i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
