i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
