I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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