Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
