I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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