After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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