Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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