You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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