My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
