I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
