sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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