White coat. Heels.
another moral hangover. fuck.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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