Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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