I got chris browned last night
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
