My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
