Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
