how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
