we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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