even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
