Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
